"Weehian ah! You take O level's this year, just few more months to go only. Don't
go out and work la! Your family no savings meh? Why cannot wait till you finish
O's then go work?", quoted and combined from many of my friends.
Seriously, it's not just i want to work right? Which teenager will want to work when
taking such serious and important exam? No right! Just when will you see a youth
frustrated with home affairs and studies at the age of 16half? Rarely.
I can't deny the fact that being almost 17 is old enough to handle all these stuffs, but hello?
Is there anyone out there understand what's bothering me? I doubt the question itself.
"AhDi! You must study well! See? Now very hard to study. Since you can study why don't
study? Stop skipping schools." mesmerized by my aunt. She just can't kept blabbering at me persistently. Apparently, it's typical monday afternoon, but what's not typical is i have a FNN
exam going on at 1430. Yet, i am still here typing nonsensical stuffs about my that invisible stress.
I SOOO NEED A BREAKKKK!!!! Maybe, what i need is money. Being wealthy seems good.
At least you don't have to bother about your meals and O's fee payment. Haizz..
Opps! Late, 1352! I still have to get changed and frankly, i am soOO unprepared for the later
exam! Wish me good luck:D
where are you, my dream.
1:42:00 PM
Hours ago i thought i was devastated. But i felt nothing.
Not even a single despair or shedding tears with my mum.
Just numbness. My heart wasn't shattered into fragments like before.
It's just dead. I can't feel the throbbing sensation. I can't feel a single thing.
The only thing i can feel right now is how. How am i going to consider plenty
of options right in front of me? How am i going to deal with a failure father, an immature brother,
a so-need-to-see-a-shrink mother, a moronic grandma, an always worrying for god sake grandpa,
a full mountain of bills and that emptiness in my mind? How much longer can i take such heavy
burden on my already-sore shoulders? What about my O levels? The fees of paying it.
It's less than 36hours to dateline. How on earth am i going to hand that sum of money to
my form-teacher? What about my desired future of being the top art director? It is really just
nostalgic?
Now i am not just dealing with a normal student's problems. A typical teenager don't have problems about settling family bills, household income and that invisible stress.
I have to share the pressure of being driven by scarlet-paper bills. I have to get my butts of my study-chair out to look for part-time jobs. I have to travel from the west to the east to meet my family, but always got driven crazy by them. I have to tolerate the nonsense of my grandma persistently intimating my mother. I have to get use to my father-always-dying nonsensical rubbish. I can barely look at my blood-lined brother with his atrocious wrongdoings. I have to deal with all these stuffs when i am taking my O levels. Even when i was taking my N levels, these things came up as well.
Today, i travelled down east to fetch my mum home. Just as expected, my grandma did what she did always. Intimating my mother. I took the 350bucks (that was firstly intended to pay for my O levels payment) from my mum, who she got it from my dad when i was not around. But, he refused to give my mum the household income. And what about our house utility bills? I passed that sum of cash to my mum after we reached home. I told her i am going to sort this out myself. I told her she's going to take this money for what our house needs. But where on earth am i going to find the money? My today's astrology says "Kyle, Today is not the best day to be making big financial decisions. You may feel confused or uncertain, and will lack focus or direction. Put off any risky decisions until you feel more clear and certain, or until you have better advice."
So, where on earth am i going to get that solution to solve this problem? I have many doubts about it. Certainly.
where are you, my dream.
9:16:00 PM
